Something that still haunts me to this day is not remembering my third son’s infancy.
It’s an odd feeling knowing where I was, what I was doing, and, more specifically, what I was feeling during that time. I had been struggling with a sense of purpose in my career, working at a place that had nothing to do with my college degree, much less my passion. I was drowning in debt that my wife wasn’t aware of, and I was suffering through all of this in a completely new state.
Everything was a haze. I remember playing video games to keep my mind off of my anxiety. Even though I helped around the house when I was needed, my mind was elsewhere and I was very short-tempered. All I could think about was my career and my debt. That was it. My newborn, my two other kids, and my wife were mostly afterthoughts, and sadly, at times, annoyances.
Fear caused me to neglect the needs of my family. I was there but at the same time, I wasn’t. When my kids would ask for my attention, I would snap with a “what” without even making eye contact. I wasn’t an abusive father, but instead of giving the love and attention my kids needed, I was too absorbed in my own mind to show them any attention or care.
Chances are you can remember a time when something completely occupied your mind, whether for just an hour or two or maybe a few days. I know the feeling; no matter what was happening around you, everything seemed dull. The trouble I faced was crisis in career and finance. Maybe for you, it’s a nagging and persistent addiction, a long argument you had with your wife, or a boss who makes work a living hell.
The fears, stresses, and anxieties of fathers are all things the enemy loves. He wants you focused on the past. You know those imaginary scenarios we all love to play in our heads that turn out way better than what actually happened? That’s his trap. No longer is your mind on what’s right in front of you: your wife, your children, and your daily duties. When fear takes over, you’re trapped in the past and have no future.
So what’s the way out?
“Cast all your anxieties on him, for he cares about you.” (1 Peter 5:7) Not one father in this world has or ever will experience a life without some anxieties and fears. But only fathers who place their trust in their heavenly father are the ones who can tackle life’s troubles in peace. Peace is contentment in the present. No matter what has happened or what will happen, now is where you are and now is where you’re needed. Your duties and responsibilities do not pause when life is down on you. You might feel like your life is at a standstill, but everyone else’s lives around you keep going, and those lives that depend on you are waiting for you.
You and your children deserve to remember every chapter of each others lives. Fill their memories with the best of who you are. Show them what a life of peace looks like and how “casting anxieties on him” is modeled. Not only will you create vivid and lasting memories with your children, you will set them up, even in this world of turmoil, a life full of peace.
